The clock hit midnight. A zero changed into a one. Year 2011. A year, I for my part, entered in chosen solitude in order to sink into the special and rare space between spaces that New Year’s Eve seems to present for everybody, all around the world. I was sitting in the window watching the stunning fireworks lightening up the fog over the rooftops of Copenhagen, but not only was I sitting on the edge of the windowsill, also on the edge of an old life, ready to jump into a new era of this crazy weird life of mine. Everything was stripped out of me, memory fading, knowing dissolving, and stories of the past disappearing in the fog of New Year’s night. Even physically I was marked by a sudden fast and furious fever hitting hard and my whole body was aching with sore muscles throughout the night. Next morning, it was all gone, almost without a trace.
Last year I wrote shortly before New Year:“A Blank Page in The Space between Two Chapters in The Book of Life” I believe 2010 was the last chapter of that book, so this is to be considered a bit like an epilogue. From a mind-perspective, I am very tempted to give 2010 the title: “Huh”?! 2010 was the year where my mind could no longer follow or catch up with any understanding of this life of mine. It had to surrender. Then something profound and life-changing happened. Letting go of understanding and trying to figure out my life was like stepping into the presence of simplicity, timelessness and stillness. A space of no space, the complexity of simplicity, stillness where there is constant movement, timelessness always on time…
2010 was a year with much less physical travel, but definitely not less travel on what I once would have described as different inner levels of existence/ consciousness, but does such thing as different levels regarding our existence and consciousness exist at all? Maybe it is only made up in the hierarchal thinking of the human mind? Maybe it is just our way of trying to identify something that cannot be identified. Maybe it is our way of getting a sense of belonging to something, whereas we are already “home”. In the presence of Simplicity, Timelessness and Stillness there is a sense of transparency where knowing seems ever-changing but all-present. We, each one of us, are already extraordinary phantom-able mind-blowing (literally) stunning life itself, expressed in unique ways, with each our own energetic signature, as everything else here on Earth. There is nothing to become, because we already are… we ARE! We create stories, stunning, fascinating, magical and thrilling stories, but maybe it is just our way of searching with a deep wish to understand what is too vast and too simple to ever fully be understood. A search driven by a strong wish to find the meaning of Life. What if Life is the meaning of Life? Stories are amazing and transformative; they are like healing medicine, showing up exactly on time in ways that resonates deeply in various ways, depending on the listener. But stories are, like words, only doorways to remembrance, recognition and deep resonance of what we really are, they are dorrways to what is behind, underneath and beyond… Attaching ourselves to a story is like coming to a halt in the doorway and never walk through to experience what is about to be revealed to us as we enter. We are all the stories and none of them.
“However smart we be, however rich and clever or loving or charitable or spiritual or impeccable, it doesn’t help us at all. The real power comes into us from the beyond. Life enters us from behind, where we are sightless, and from below, where we do not understand. And unless we yield to the beyond, and take our power and might and honor and glory from the unseen, from the unknown, we shall continue empty.” D.H. Lawrence
From this place of no place I look at our life as humans on this beautiful blue marble we call Earth and it seems that the core of our human existence is made up by two constant choices: The choice of Fear and the choice of Trust. Which one do we ask and listen to, when we make decisions, minor or major, in our lives? Which one do we ask and listen to, when we meet a stranger, when we are challenged on our belief-systems and stories? Who is in charge; fear or trust, when we are facing change?
Fear has an amazing potential; without fear, courage would not exist. We can use that courage for extraordinary things. We can use that courage to make choices of trust instead of choices of fear. Only a true courageous heart chooses love above war, life and infinite possibilities above the prison of our at times fearful and doubting minds.
2010 has been another year of constant choices between fear and trust. I have many a time lost sight of where I was coming from and where I was going, and a strong doubt in my path sneaked in. Ah, but hell, you know, even a nomad has bad hair-days! What takes my breath away is to experience over and over again, how several people from all around the world constantly have supported and placed their trust in me and my walk in life, even in the darkest of nights. Because of these people, I have been able to carry on. If any of you read this, you also know my deep-felt honor and true gratitude, always! Two remarkable women of this priceless “bunch”; Marlene, lifelong dear friend and Natasha (Tash), close friend and “colleague” in the work of energies, have recently joined forces and created something they’ve had on their minds for years: a fund supporting my art of eX’sistence. Please read their words by clicking on this link: Fund X’. Different ways of living and working is actually becoming possible in ways I could never imagine, this very moment as you read. There is recognition and understanding arising of what might be invisible but never-the-less empowering and life-enhancing.
2011 has begun and big changes are ahead. Soon I will be leaving Copenhagen to go on a road-trip through Germany and Switzerland for a month with a Spanish musician and his team, all who I have yet to meet. If everything turns out as expected (mind you, it rarely does) I will most likely continue on the road to UK, Wales and Ireland and not be in Daneland again until sometime late October.
Last but not least, I’ll wrap it all up with truly beautiful words that came to me on the night of the New Year, words that stirred a deep resonance within, words I’ll take with me throughout the journey of 2011.
“When you give up your masterpiece, you sink into your true masterpiece.” Leonard Cohen
I wish you all a Wondrous and Fabulicious New Year!!!